Austin

Southern Lovin

Hardest Working



I know you think that’s just a picture of a guy bbq’ing boneness ribs a block away from the Fader party, but actually, those were the best ribs i’ve ever had in my life. They were so good that the jaded city people that I was with (who had just eaten ribs at the Salt Lick) ended up having THESE ribs for dessert.

Austin City Boys Education

Danny Boy (15) was sitting on the porch with his buddies and called me over to talk. I had just arrived with my luggage.
Danny Boy: Do you know who you’re staying with?
Bronques: Yeah… Uh, Jason and his wife…
Danny Boy: Uh, no… (joking) You’re staying with members of the Klu Klux Klan!
Bronques: Oh, really? (laughing)
Danny Boy: Yeah. You’re only safe on this street though…
Bronques: Uh…
Danny Boy: Have they taken you alligator hunting yet?
Bronques: (nervous laughter) No…
Danny Boy: Are you gonna go ‘gator hunting?
Bronques: I don’t know…
Danny Boy: If they invite you, don’t go!
Bronques: Why?
Danny Boy: Because YOU’RE the alligator!!
Austin, Texas is losing it’s soul to big business according to my friend Scott (16). He lives out in the country now. The first thing he showed me when we got to his house was his pool. He also showed me the outdoor hottub, him hammock and his live spider collection in the bathroom behind the toilet. I woke up the next day with spider webs on my eyes. On my way to the shower, I accidently crushed a dried scorpion carcass with my bare feet. I only stayed there one night.
Uchi is the best sushi restaurant in Austin. Two of the main chefs were gone this weekend doing IRON CHEF(17). When we go there we just let the current chef pick whatever he likes to feed us, and it’s always the best meal. He accompanys each sush dish with a particular fruit and specific nut in weird culinary equations that just seem to work on my tastebuds everytime. The bill at the end is always spectacular too.
“{Famous Movie Star} was out of control. She was puking backstage at Arcade Fire and they called me to come get her out of there. As we were driving she kept saying things like how great it felt to have the wind against her hair and how spiritual Arcade Fire had been. She was on mushrooms or exctasy or something…” (our driver telling us about her previous night at Austing City Limits)
Car Stereo Wars is the name of the band.It’s like the Texas version of Girl Talk. His name is Chris Rose and he’s done videos for rock bands, but now he does live remixes around town. I think he uses Ableton Live onstage. His claim to fame is taking Ghostface Killah and Ghostland Observatory and mashing them together. I think he has potential. I think at some point he might just take over” (Jason describing the music blaring in his car)
“Twice a year a little black tornado blows into town and stirs everything up. The governor declares a state of emergency and three weeks later we rebuild. We’re always closer together as a community for having done it.”

15. Danny Boy is the former guitar player for the Stylistics. He’s 60. He looks 40. He acts 12.

16. Scott is a genius. He gets paid by Microsoft to think. He has MVP status there, but ironically his main computer is an apple and he uses an IPHONE. I think they really pay him to bridge the gap between that irony. “Microsoft doesn’t try to just do great products and have great customer service. They do whatever they can get away with and then cover it up with bullshit. That’s what I love with Apple. They have a CEO who says ‘I love to build beautiful objects.’ Right? That’s gonna drive the whole company. Microsoft says ‘I love to sell you shit and tell you it’s amazing’. That’s what they get off on. I love Steve Jobs. I’d blow Steve Jobs if he asked me. I’ve officially crossed the line. I own a Mac and I’ve completely converted my entire development team. I’ve also told Microsoft that we have to get off Windows right away…”
17. Iron Chef is a game show of battling Japanese chefs.

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